we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
