I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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