He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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