We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
