The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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