Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
