Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just had sex on a roof
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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