Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
