i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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