she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
that's an acceptable place to lick
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
