remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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