My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
