Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
