I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You took a bar mat shot.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
