the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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