I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize