She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
