dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
