oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
