and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
