I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
