i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
