I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
