The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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