Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
