He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
