i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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