I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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