While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
