drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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