I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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