I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
