I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
