it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
