Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
