When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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