Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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