She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I AM VODKA MAN
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
