Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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