If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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