I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
do herpes really smell.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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