we made out on top of his cat.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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