1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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