moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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