I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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