My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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