Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize