I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
