her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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