why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
