Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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