Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
