Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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