I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
