wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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