What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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