I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
