the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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