Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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