I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
