I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
