The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize