You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
