In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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