I faked an abortion last night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
