You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize