So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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