You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
