had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
