I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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