i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
