i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
