She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
