so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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