So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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