I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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