first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
